Just so you know

When I read back on these posts I can see how ridiculous they can be, I am aware of it but I'm trying to demonstrate the thought process of an addict as he tries to rationalise, blame others and abdicate responsibility. I want to put it in writing so, when I read back I will spot the warning signs as I start to try to find excuses to gamble again, as demonstrated in previous posts.

Friday 12 July 2013

Risk and reward.

I've always associated risk and reward as inseparable as yin and yang, as Cheech and Chong, or as The Fonz and latent homosexuality.

The rewards I envisaged as long as I can remember were always grandiose and fantastical, the castle in the sky, infinite wealth, eternal happiness, yada, yada, yada.

Rewards can be small, but significant.

Waking up in the morning without a shroud of dread and despair is a reward.
Looking at my wife and kids without the angst of deceit is a reward.
Re establishing relationships with my family is a reward.
Starting a financial plan is a reward, the duration is long, but the load is bearable.
Looking in the mirror and noticing I need to shave, rather than needing to self immolate is a reward.
Not dreading the postman is a reward.
Being able to think without the entropic distractions of mental chaos is a reward.
Taking a day off to spend with my brother, father or youngest is a reward.
Closing a post to this blog with a smile of contentment, rather than a tear of desperation is a reward,

My name is Paddy, I'm a compulsive gambler, I have not had a bet today or since my last post.


  1. This is great to hear, mate. I was worried about you when I saw you'd joined Twitter a while back but glad to see things are back on track. Good luck :)

  2. Thanks Dude, still check in on your posts but don't link from here , for obvious reasons, I read for your writing rather than the content, I like your style!

  3. Did you used to post on the geeks forum Paddy?

  4. Yes my friend, I started this thread :

    I loved the forum, but unfortunately had the wrong mental make up to be able to trade or gamble without self destructing. Such is life.