Strange times, I have not gambled since May 16th, but I will today.
Why ?
I will be trading today because I feel my failings in the past are not due to an addiction, merely incompetence. I embraced the addiction tale to ignore my inadequacies. This is how I feel, I am pretty sure it's Gollum creeping up on me again, but, I have rationalized this to myself and have decided to do it.
I have not attended a GA meeting in 4/5 weeks and feel no need.
I am finding them repetitive and predictable. Same people, same self criticism, same self hatred, accepting the bad things in ourselves yet the only way of beating it is to attend meetings of like minded people and repeat our sins and create a cycle of self loathing that perpetuates the misery.
I have decided to beat gambling today by actually trading my way out of this crap, I'm fed up of misery, I'm fed up of other's misery and I will succeed.
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The above post is exactly how I feel after 3 1/2 months without gambling, I hope I'm not posting more misery here this afternoon after returning to the "monster". For all I know this is the Gambling Addiction twisting my logic, but this is how it is.
