Just so you know

When I read back on these posts I can see how ridiculous they can be, I am aware of it but I'm trying to demonstrate the thought process of an addict as he tries to rationalise, blame others and abdicate responsibility. I want to put it in writing so, when I read back I will spot the warning signs as I start to try to find excuses to gamble again, as demonstrated in previous posts.

Friday, 31 August 2012

Another update

Strange times, I have not gambled since May 16th, but I will today.

Why ?

I will be trading today because I feel my failings in the past are not due to an addiction, merely incompetence. I embraced the addiction tale to ignore my inadequacies. This is how I feel, I am pretty sure it's Gollum creeping up on me again, but, I have rationalized this to myself and have decided to do it.


I have not attended a GA meeting in 4/5 weeks and feel no need.


I am finding them repetitive and predictable. Same people, same self criticism, same self hatred, accepting the bad things in ourselves yet the only way of beating it is to attend meetings of like minded people and repeat our sins and create a cycle of self loathing that perpetuates the misery.

I have decided to beat gambling today by actually trading my way out of this crap, I'm fed up of misery, I'm fed up of other's misery and I will succeed.

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The above post is exactly how I feel after 3 1/2 months without gambling, I hope I'm not posting more misery here this afternoon after returning to the "monster". For all I know this is the Gambling Addiction twisting my logic, but this is how it is.
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2 comments:

  1. Anonymous3 September 2012 at 11:11

    I'm an experienced full time trader and still gamble my way out of bad trades every now and then. Luckily I win enough to cover those odd lapses.

    Don't kid yourself you won't go on the tilt when things go tits up, which they inevitably will at some time. Don't assume it's not an addiction, we're all incompetent but eventually most know when to quit and cut those losses. I've known a few people with addictions, drugs, alcohol etc and they've managed to quit eventually they just had to hit their own rock bottom first, maybe you just haven't bottomed out yet OR maybe you were right and it's only your incompetence that's the problem. I guess you'll find out soon enough, GL.

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  2. Unknown7 September 2012 at 04:22

    Thanks dude, the rambling post should actually infer that that is how my mind is working at the moment. It's rationalising a return, doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

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