Just so you know

When I read back on these posts I can see how ridiculous they can be, I am aware of it but I'm trying to demonstrate the thought process of an addict as he tries to rationalise, blame others and abdicate responsibility. I want to put it in writing so, when I read back I will spot the warning signs as I start to try to find excuses to gamble again, as demonstrated in previous posts.

Monday 5 August 2013

One day at a time

Pertinent comment on the previous post. One day at a time, very true. Part of my problem with this is my job requires me to plan in detail for multiple scenarios. That's the way I think and always have done, I'm a planner, but this program requires me to take one day at a time, bit of a conflict there.

I need to start compartmentalising my addiction and try to keep a different mindset than what is required in my professional life. If I cannot do that, then I need to consider my choice of profession. Sounds ridiculous, but when ones mind is programmed to think and analyse on a continuous basis it is exceedingly difficult to try to stop analysing at will. There you go, the Mr Kipling of self analysis, that's me. Exceedingly fucked up.

My name is Paddy, I'm a compulsive gambler, I have not had a bet today or since my last post.


  1. You need to look at breaking those associations with gambling and replace them with something else. I gave up smoking a year ago, after about 30 years of smoking, by reading that Alan Carr book (not the speccy twat comedian btw). Obviously you can't force yourself to do things if you don't want to but I'd had enough of smoking by then and the book explains all the associations and steps you'll encounter along the way.

    I surprised myself as it wasn't as hard as I'd thought it'd be plus I can happily sit in the pub whilst other smoke around me. Might be worth getting it off one of the torrent or filesharing sites, at best it'll give you an insight into how the brain associates addictions and how to break them, at the very least you may give up smoking :)

  2. I wonder just how much we have to hit 'rock bottom' before we can really change our lives.

    I stopped smoking after I thought the ciggies had caused a small heart attack. I stopped gambling after losing enough money to realise I was never going to win it back. It was an expensive lesson but one that I probably had to learn.

    Now, if only I could find a way to stop the booze.....

    Anyway, earlier posts indicate you've reached the bottom and now the only way is up.

  3. If your mind is programmed to analyse all the time, then will changing your job change that subconscious drive that has become part of your personality?

    I think maybe the wisest course of action would be to understand where the drive to analyse things comes from (perhaps fear / lack of security which causes a person to want to be 'sure' of what's going to happen rather than going with the flow more?) and most importantly learn how to create breaks in the constant stream of thinking (which afflicts most people tbh) so that you can get a rest from thinking and the need to plan and control all the time. You can still do your job regardless of how you treat your addiction.

    I've seen a couple of videos on youtube recently which relate to the personality and the power of the subconscious and how we are programmed from an early age to think / act in certain ways and these tenancies tend to get stuck in the subconscious and run most of our lives (apparently 95% of what we do is subconscious, only 5% is by conscious choice.) The good news is that there are ways now to reprogram the subconscious so that it can work for us rather than against us.

    I'd highly recommend checking these out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYYXq1Ox4sk and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73BPh1FxNL8&feature=c4-overview&list=UUtSQfqA-Sv3DMScpk32vbIg

  4. This might be of interest.....