Just so you know

When I read back on these posts I can see how ridiculous they can be, I am aware of it but I'm trying to demonstrate the thought process of an addict as he tries to rationalise, blame others and abdicate responsibility. I want to put it in writing so, when I read back I will spot the warning signs as I start to try to find excuses to gamble again, as demonstrated in previous posts.

Tuesday 12 November 2013

It aint all that bad.

My name is Paddy, I'm a compulsive gambler, I have not had a bet today or since my last post.

When I read back through this BLOG it strikes me that it can be interpreted as one long tale of woe and misery. This is simply not true.

I post when I feel I need to, when I'm suspicious about myself, my behaviours and my thought patterns.

I don't post when things are good, when life is not overcomplicated or I'm happy. This is most of the time, the last 6 months have been an awakening for me. Sure, I still have bad days but the good ones far outnumber the bad ones and I think it's important for me to state that. Not Gambling has given me a perspective on life and myself that I couldn't have thought possible.

Here's some of the positives,

I don't wake up every day full of fear and dread.
I am building real relationships with the people that really count.
Every day is not a day I wish I don't exist.
I don't feel the need to lie at every opportunity.
I am learning how real relationships work.
I don't try to manipulate everything I do to suit my means.
I am in the process of reclaiming my life.
I still have the same insecurities and crazy thought processes but now I recognise them for what they are.
I am building a sense of self worth, and by learning to value myself I am valuing others.
I am a human being that has all the frailties of every human being.
I want to live.

My name is Paddy, I'm a compulsive gambler, but hey, it aint all that bad.

1 comment:

  1. Amazing post mate. It's good to hear things are not all doom and gloom. Sounds well exiting what you are doing.