Just so you know

When I read back on these posts I can see how ridiculous they can be, I am aware of it but I'm trying to demonstrate the thought process of an addict as he tries to rationalise, blame others and abdicate responsibility. I want to put it in writing so, when I read back I will spot the warning signs as I start to try to find excuses to gamble again, as demonstrated in previous posts.

Friday 3 January 2014

New Year, New me ?

A common question around this time of year and my answer is that I hope not. I already tried to create a new me in mid 2013 so I'll continue to work on that, thank you very much.

January 1st marked 9 month for me since I had a bet.

9 months is enough time for a baby to grow and develop and be presented to the big bad world.

Is 9 months enough for me?

I'm not ready to leave the protection afforded to me by Gamblers Anonymous. I need frequent meetings to remind me that I've made progress, but the dark world I inhabited whilst gambling still exists. It's out there, just past the cervix. If I leave my womb, a whole new world will open up for me, one I could not resist before, a world promising untold riches and happiness, a world that delivers fear and despair. I don't want a ticket to that world, it's one way for me.

I like it in my womb, my 9 months may have elapsed, but I'm staying in, for as long as I stay here I will continue to be safe and happy. I spent 25 years bereft and broken, I think I'll stay here for as long as I can.

My name is Paddy, I'm a compulsive gambler, I haven't had a bet today or since my last post, I'm some man.

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