Just so you know

When I read back on these posts I can see how ridiculous they can be, I am aware of it but I'm trying to demonstrate the thought process of an addict as he tries to rationalise, blame others and abdicate responsibility. I want to put it in writing so, when I read back I will spot the warning signs as I start to try to find excuses to gamble again, as demonstrated in previous posts.

Tuesday, 7 May 2013

Night of the long addition.



3:07 am : OK, lets add it up again.

Credit Card 1 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 2 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 3 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 4 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 5 : ***** Euro
Mortgage : **** Euro
Car Tax : **** Euro
Overdraft : ***** Euro
Personal subs from brother and sister : ***** Euro.

OK that's what I have to pay or owe. Now here's my income :

**** Euro.

Sweet Jesus, I'm fucked, the only way we can get out of this is if something happens to me and the family get the insurance. What are the options ?

STOP THIS THINKING. GO TO SLEEP.



========================================================================

4:03 am : OK, lets add it up again.

Credit Card 1 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 2 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 3 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 4 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 5 : ***** Euro
Mortgage : **** Euro
Car Tax : **** Euro
Overdraft : ***** Euro
Personal subs from brother and sister : ***** Euro.

OK that's what I have to pay or owe. Now here's my income :

**** Euro.

Sweet Jesus, I'm fucked, the only way we can get out of this is if something happens to me and the family get the insurance. What are the options ?

STOP THIS THINKING. GO TO SLEEP.



========================================================================

5:17 am : OK, lets add it up again.

Credit Card 1 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 2 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 3 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 4 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 5 : ***** Euro
Mortgage : **** Euro
Car Tax : **** Euro
Overdraft : ***** Euro
Personal subs from brother and sister : ***** Euro.

OK that's what I have to pay or owe. Now here's my income :

**** Euro.

Sweet Jesus, I'm fucked, the only way we can get out of this is if something happens to me and the family get the insurance. What are the options ?

STOP THIS THINKING. GO TO SLEEP.



========================================================================

6:11 am : OK, lets add it up again.

Credit Card 1 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 2 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 3 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 4 : ***** Euro
Credit Card 5 : ***** Euro
Mortgage : **** Euro
Car Tax : **** Euro
Overdraft : ***** Euro
Personal subs from brother and sister : ***** Euro.

OK that's what I have to pay or owe. Now here's my income :

**** Euro.

Sweet Jesus, I'm fucked, the only way we can get out of this is if something happens to me and the family get the insurance. What are the options ?

STOP THIS THINKING. GO TO SLEEP.



========================================================================

This is how it goes, all the above problems are of my making, and familiar to all gambling addicts. I have an appointment (with the wife) tomorrow with a money advisory group (MABS in Ireland) to try to come to some arrangement with my creditors. When they see my income (very good by modern standards) they are going to wonder how I can be in financial trouble, and I'm going to tell them.

My name is Paddy, I'm a compulsive gambler, I have not had a bet today or since my last post, please help my family to have a life again, please.










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2 comments:

  1. Anonymous8 May 2013 at 04:15

    I can sympathise with you Paddy, been in a similar situation and had the same train of thought. Trouble is you eventually realise those type of thoughts are really only to save your own arse and avoid facing your problems. The shit you leave behind would only make things ten times worse. At the end of the day it's only cash and the bankers have fucked us over for a lot more and still sleep soundly.

    Hopefully after your MABS meeting you'll realise it's not the end of the world owing money and you've a lot to be thankful for, a family(maybe loving) a decent job etc etc. One thing I've learned about life is things can change pretty quickly if you want them too. Hopefully this time next year you'll have a completely different view of things.

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  2. Anonymous8 May 2013 at 04:22

    You might think your family would be ok with some insurance money but unbeknown to you they would likely feel haunted for the rest of their days if something happened to you.

    I know a couple of people who had family members kill themselves and the effect on them has been absolutely ENORMOUS, one of them (who was previously happy) often has suicidal thoughts herself now and is a completely different person from before. She has said to me that there is her now and there is her before the event happened. The grief, the constant sick feeling in your stomach, the enormous guilt people feel when a family member dies and they are left hating themselves because they constantly wonder what they could have done to stop it. Hurting yourself would do your family a million times more damage than racking up debts ever could, regardless of how you feel right now.

    Mate, the only way you will get out of this is by being strong and making your family proud of you by admitting you have a problem and slowly but surely work your way out of this mess. So far so good. You just have to ride out this storm as long as it lasts and eventually it will pass, as everything does in time.

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