I have often heard of troubled and destructive souls that have had circumstances conspire against them, troubled childhoods, violent upbringings, lack of love or intellectual challenges.None of the above apply to me, I had loving parents and a great childhood, in fact it was so good I used to feel it wasn't real and there must be something bad round the corner, or present that I wasn't aware of. I still am convinced I wasn't worthy of it, and have proved that over the past few years. What is it that drives us to take something good, not trust it and set about destroying it? I don't have any answers and am not expecting an epiphany an time soon, maybe I need to stop looking for the bogeyman, maybe he does't exist? What is it that makes me gamble beyond reason? That's an answer I need to find, and fight.
I have no impulse to bet now, but have so much time now that I'm struggling to fill it.
If there are any suggestions as to how a forty four year old, broke gambler, with an over active imagination can improve himself and those afflicted with him, please feel free to advise. It can't do any harm, that's my job.
My name is Paddy, I'm a compulsive gambler, I have not had a bet today or since my last post.